five fellowship apps due

in the next 2 days.  i have one personal statement to write, a cover letter to finish, and two research proposals to finish.  plus i need to polish and proofread my dissertation proposal.

why am i doing this?  no one’s going to give me money anyway, and if i had spent all the time i spent getting ready applying for money i’m not going to get with writing my dissertation, there’s a good chance i might not need the money so much in the first place.  this whole grad-school-in-tha-humanities enterprise wouldn’t seem properly sisyphean if it didn’t also feel like some sort of university-run three-card monte in which everyone but me knows that i’m staking a good deal of my future on an unwinnable game.

blah whine blah complain blah i’m too privileged to be complaining about this blah the fact that i’m a position to complain is obviously a function of my privilege blah why am i sharing this anyway blah.

Notes

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   You’re gambling...extreme scarcity. It’s...has real life,...

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