• • • low end theory

justsara:

The Disgruntled Academic: Mental Health and Graduate School

In reading what Disgruntled (not to be confused with TheDisgruntledGradStudent) reblogged, I come to realize that I am in an incredibly nice* program, and for that I am immensely grateful.

I can safely say that while I do not trust everyone in my department, I have the handful of friends— yes, friends, I can trust. I can trust them, both personally and professionally. I know that Friend M can untangle what I have to say about my own research. I also know that Friend C will sit and chat with me so I can work through my thoughts about coursework.

*I realize “nice” could mea a myriad of things, but in this case I am using “nice” as “supportive” and “will-not-rip-pages-out-of-books kind of way to cut someone down”

I should probably clarify, because without qualification, it makes sense that someone not knowing me would think that I’m saying that grad school has been some sort of one-sidedly hellish experience for me. That really hasn’t been the case, and I’ve been lucky to have some rather amazing friends and colleagues and interlocutors and fellow travelers thus far. The flourishing I’ve seen, though, has in many ways occurred in spite of the environment in which we have been working in the university. I think it’s fair to say that if anyone is thriving, neither the university nor my department could really legitimately claim that it has done very much to enable it.

It’s because I’ve been able to enter into these intimate and loving (and queer) intellectual relationships and friendships that I value so much that I am able to direct my critique at the institution. It’s because I’ve seen academic norms produce so much silent and silenced suffering, and because I’ve had the support of friends and colleagues to actually give language to those norms and to that suffering that I’m actually able to say what I’m saying. And to feel, moreover, that it is worth saying at all.

(Source: lowendtheory, via just-thesara-deactivated2011090)